In early February, I woke up from a vivid dream of a beautiful baby girl that I had given birth to. I remember reaching over to ask Zach if he liked the names I had picked out, when I realized it wasn't real. I couldn't understand the disheartened feeling I had. I had just started a new job and things were going really well for us and our little family of five. I was content and generally happy with my life. Regardless, I remember feeling sad that morning. The baby girl was so beautiful and in my dreams I had become so attached to her.
Fatigue, mild nausea and a gut feeling led me to take a pregnancy test in early March. I took it before leaving for work one morning. After anxiously awaiting the results for half an hour, the test failed to deliver any. I went to work and thought little of it. When I returned home, I casually checked the garbage. I picked up the test, curious to see if the results had finally developed. Two lines. Pregnant. I took the second test in the box, dubious to trust a test that took so long to provide results. Two lines. Pregnant.
I wasn't sure how to tell Zach. I couldn't gauge what his emotions would be. This isn't something that was planned, but I certainly don't and didn't view it as a mistake. The baby was conceived by two people that love and care for each other. A baby is never a mistake or inconvenience. I hoped that Zach would share in my philosophy.
Zach, as I had hoped, shared my mixed (but overall happy) emotions. We were two people, in love, about to be married that were having a child together. We decided it would be best to tell people until after the first appointment. I didn't want people to be fretting over the pregnancy and I was concerned about what the first appointment would tell us. I couldn't bear to get other people excited and then have bad news from the appointment.
Fast forward to the events of last week, and everything changed. I didn't want to tell people about the baby anymore because I wanted to shelter it. The baby is not and was never a mistake. I didn't need to tell people my exciting news, only to hear them give their condolences or look at me as if a tragedy had just occurred. My baby is not a tragedy.
I did manage to blurt the news to people I wish I could have told in better ways. I was filled with emotions and didn't feel like people would be able to grasp the full scope of what was going through my head without this crucial detail.
On April 4, 2011, Zach and I went to our first appointment together. He held my hand as we listened to our babies heartbeat and watched as the doctor took its measurements. Our baby is 4.73 cm and approximately 11 weeks and 3 days. Our due date is October 19, 2011. We cannot be more excited for this and I hope that you all will share in our joy.
As far as Zach and I go (because I am sure you are curious how the baby is affecting us), we are in a really beautiful place right now. We took a trip to the North Shore, just the two of us. It gave us a wonderful opportunity to really talk about what happened. I don't feel the need to share all of the details, but I do want you to know that shockingly and confusingly enough, I feel like we are in a healthy place. I feel in my heart that things will work out with me and Zach.
Fatigue, mild nausea and a gut feeling led me to take a pregnancy test in early March. I took it before leaving for work one morning. After anxiously awaiting the results for half an hour, the test failed to deliver any. I went to work and thought little of it. When I returned home, I casually checked the garbage. I picked up the test, curious to see if the results had finally developed. Two lines. Pregnant. I took the second test in the box, dubious to trust a test that took so long to provide results. Two lines. Pregnant.
I wasn't sure how to tell Zach. I couldn't gauge what his emotions would be. This isn't something that was planned, but I certainly don't and didn't view it as a mistake. The baby was conceived by two people that love and care for each other. A baby is never a mistake or inconvenience. I hoped that Zach would share in my philosophy.
Zach, as I had hoped, shared my mixed (but overall happy) emotions. We were two people, in love, about to be married that were having a child together. We decided it would be best to tell people until after the first appointment. I didn't want people to be fretting over the pregnancy and I was concerned about what the first appointment would tell us. I couldn't bear to get other people excited and then have bad news from the appointment.
Fast forward to the events of last week, and everything changed. I didn't want to tell people about the baby anymore because I wanted to shelter it. The baby is not and was never a mistake. I didn't need to tell people my exciting news, only to hear them give their condolences or look at me as if a tragedy had just occurred. My baby is not a tragedy.
I did manage to blurt the news to people I wish I could have told in better ways. I was filled with emotions and didn't feel like people would be able to grasp the full scope of what was going through my head without this crucial detail.
On April 4, 2011, Zach and I went to our first appointment together. He held my hand as we listened to our babies heartbeat and watched as the doctor took its measurements. Our baby is 4.73 cm and approximately 11 weeks and 3 days. Our due date is October 19, 2011. We cannot be more excited for this and I hope that you all will share in our joy.
As far as Zach and I go (because I am sure you are curious how the baby is affecting us), we are in a really beautiful place right now. We took a trip to the North Shore, just the two of us. It gave us a wonderful opportunity to really talk about what happened. I don't feel the need to share all of the details, but I do want you to know that shockingly and confusingly enough, I feel like we are in a healthy place. I feel in my heart that things will work out with me and Zach.
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