Bonus Points for Limericks

What was formally known as Martin Luther King Jr. Day has been formally changed to Martin Luther King Jr Rebel Day by the privates at Fort Huachuca. While many received their "phase" 5 privileges (phase 4 means you basically have no privileges... you can't go off base or wear civilian clothes and you have curfew.... phase 5 means you can do whatever you want off duty), those who didn't took advantage of this holiday to sneak off base, rebelling against the "man"... or at least the sergeant.

Packs of phase 4 could be seen off base at the mall in Sierra Vista, the closest town to Fort Huachuca or at hotel parties anywhere from Sierra Vista to tuscon throughout the 4 day weekend (we had friday through monday off). However, some were less sneaky than others and they were apprehended and given an article 15 (meaning they can take rank, pay, or can give you extra duty) within the hour.

I was among the smarter or possibly more fortunate soldiers. I spent part of my weekend indulging in phase 5 privlidges, although I am only phase 4. We call this phase jesus or phase platinum if your not religious. Anything goes as long as you don't get caught.

On Sunday I checked out the mall. And maybe I spent just a little too much money... ok. more than likely I definitely did. so sue me. Monday me, bentley, alvardo, and boyer were tourists. We visited Boothill Graveyard, a cemetery full of people who died in the late 1800’s or early 1900’s. They died from crazy things like hangings or being murdered and dumped into a mine shaft. My favorite, wow that sounds morbid, gravesite was the only one that had a limerick on it. Therefore, it was automatically granted star quality by me, because of course on MLKR day I have that sort of authority. It said “Here lies Lester Moore, Four slugs from a .44, No Les, no more.” It’s unfortunate that my name cannot be made into a cool limerick (side note… if you can think of one… you win bonus points toward an imaginary prize. It’s ok to ooh and aah at this time)

After Boothill Graveyard, we checked out some other stuff that was in the same area. Nothing was to cool to write home about though. We then drove to Bisbee, a town that is basically built into the side of the mountain. It’s also pretty cool because the houses and the town in general have splashes of bright color, something that I’ve noticed that Arizona lacks. Mostly the homes are brown with little to no color. This town was a delightful surprise (I sound like I’m writing a lame review. My apologies.) Unfortunately, the camera kind of died. Well, it didn't kind of die. it did.

We returned for everything just in time for the recall formation (every weekend at 6:00 p.m. we have a formation. I have yet to find out exactly why we have it… I’m leaning towards an accountability check. but it only lasts 5 minutes.)

I think that if my sergeants read this… I would definitely be served a nice little article 15 to add to my collection. What a wonderful thought...

Serve and Protect

In general, if you find me at 5:00 in the morning, which you probably won't if I have my way, but if you do... you will most definately not find me laughing. Scowling, yes. Fighting off sleep, most definitely. Alert, not so much. Today was the exception.

I had a fireguard shift from 5:00 a.m. to 9:00 a.m. Not even a half an hour into my shift I hear someone stumbling up the stairs, which, in itself is not an unusual occurence on the weekend at glorious fort huachuca. Girls are always coming back to the bay hung over or still wasted from the hotel party the night before.

This person had a hood pulled past their eyes, shielding their identity. They walked in without knocking, as if they had no doubt in their mind that they knew exactly where they were. However, it was the way they swaggered like a guy that initially made me suspicious of their gender and why they were in an all female bay, although the smell of alcohol that clouded the air as they slipped through the door was a good tip off. They walked in like they had a purpose, weaving their way in and out of bunks in a drunken stupor. Only to stop at a bunk with someone already in it, sleeping soundly. By the time I got to him, he already was putting one foot in bed, the same bed that was already occupied. Still unsure of their gender, my only option was to voice my concern.

"Ummm... excuse me. Are you a guy or a girl?"-said me.
"Why?"-said a voice that clearly belonged to a male or a really butch girl.

"Ok... clearly your a guy. I'm going to have to ask you to leave. You are definitely in a female bay."-said me

"There are a lot of female bays."-said him.

"Yep. Your correct. There are... and your in one of them... and therefor you need to leave." said me.

Clearly confused, he stumbled back out only to start heading towards abandoned bays. It was 15 minutes until we heard stumbling once again on our stoop. He was back for more. Unprepared as to what to do, I sent him on his merry way yet again as I stood in the doorway laughing. He came wandering by a third time and informed me that he knew where he was going. I'm not sure how he came to that descision, since he also told me he was from alpha... which was a little over a quarter mile away from where he currently was. I'm not sure where he went after that... but I saw him stumbling in the opposite direction of where he needed to go. He didn't listen to my protests as I tried to point him in the right direction... he probably ended up sleeping on another female bay stoop.

I'm not sure what I would have done if he had been violent... I mean... I am trained to kill and all. But I'd hate to have to resort to that. I do know that these females owe me their lives... I saved them from waking up with god knows who. I'm right up there with superman or batman =]

I've never had an American girl friend before...

Today was my first official test run in the “booth” (it’s a room designed to ensure the inhabitants are quickly overcome by claustrophobia in order to spill the beans faster… it’s probably 6’ by 7’ or smaller.) I didn’t do too shabby… except for my overwhelming urge to laugh that I sometimes succumbed to.

Here is the wonderful world of the booth. Usually the interrogator (that’s me) would be in there with the detainee. Today was special circumstances because it was our very first time and they were just trying to introduce us to how it would work for when we really start doing our interrogations.

The detainees are actually our teachers, at least for now. They have a script that gives them basic information… and from there they can do just about anything to make us lose our concentration.

For instance… there was a female OMT (I don’t know what that means but that’s what we call our team teachers. I’m sure I could figure it out if I put some thought into it.) and she was acting as though she was a male. Haji Bakrat was her… umm… his name. And he was continually hitting on me and my friend Jaramillo. “I have a lot of girlfriends… but none of them are American. I would love to have an American girlfriend.” Or she said stuff like “I don’t want to be here. This is a waste of time… unless. Unless of course you wanted to make it worth my while.” And she followed with by a wink. I think it wouldn’t have been as funny if she hadn’t kept scooting closer and gazing into my eyes… or if she who was acting like a he had actually been a he.

The other person that I interrogated said some of the most ridiculous things. "My son has two left feet so I often find him wandering helplessly in circles. My daughter has a mouth in the back of her head. I hate hugging her because she always bites me. And my wife... well. My wife has no arms. So she can't raise the roof or use a clap on." What am I supposed to say to that? I was speechless for the first time in my life.

I probably didn’t do such a great job explaining this… but it’s just something you have to experience and live to understand. Ask questions if something doesn’t make sense =]
As always… I love and miss you guys like mad!

A Productive Weekend Indeed

To the left, you will see how a productive MI student spends their weekend. We're practicing interrogation techneqiues. We refer to this as fear up.

I'm sure this would mostly just make the enemy laugh after the intial fear of seeing an American looking so... beautiful.

This is completely off track, and I'll be sure to get back on track after I make this point, but did you know that male Iraqi's prefer to speak with female interrogators? They will actually request them because they generally view American women as porn stars and the oppurtunity to see one up close is an oppurtunity they won't pass up. There's my fun fact for the day.

Back on track... My AIT is divided into 3 mods or sections. MOD A, MOD B, and MOD C. As of last friday... I survived MOD A and lived to tell of it =] I aced all my tests and now I'm excited to actually start interrogations. Well, excited isn't really the word I'm looking for. More like nervous. I want to do as well in MOD B as I did in MOD A. Interrogations are verrrry difficult. This is where most people end up failing... and I don't want to be one of those "most."

After tomorrow I'll know what to expect. For tonight, I'll probably be shaking in my combat boots =]

there's gotta be more to life than amazon...

OK. today i got a lot of stuff in the mail... and it all came from amazon except for one very nice letter from Ms. Sarah Rochel. and i thought you guys should all know, that my favorite time the WHOLE day is mail time. and while I'm not proud to admit it, I've had to stoop to amazon.com to get the ultimate satisfaction for mail time. lol. so this is merely a suggestion... but here is my address. i love mail, and i'll write back. or at least draw some pretty pictures. especially because I finally found the mail box on post, so I really can send the letters I write =]

PFC Jacki Crotteau
3rd Platoon Reapers
F Co 309th MI BN
Fort Huachuca, AZ 85613

thank-you kindly =]

Piss Test 101

It was a glorious day to a soldier at Fort Huachuca. What's not to love when a base wide urine analysis comes our way. Officers, Cadre, MOS-T, and IET (that's me) alike were able, and strongly encouraged with the help of threats of court martial for non-participation, to join in on the fun.

I'm telling you, 60 females stuck in a bay guzzling water is probably the most fun place to be. And I found that the phrase "when you gotta go, you gotta go" stands true and strong. Eventually, we were all waiting in line pacing back and forth, whether it was from the anticipation for the upcoming test (YAY!) or a bladder on the verge of exploding or possibly a healthy combination of the two, I'll never know.

I do know that after waiting an eternity to get my cups and have at it, I was told to put my hands up. A cup in each palm, I followed the sergeant feeling like a fugitive. She told me to drop my drawers. And as she watched, hands on each hip (I'm positive she was trying to ensure that I really was a female), I dutifully filled my cup to the brim. I then transferred it to the other cup. Flushed the toilet with satisfaction, and washed my hands.

I walked out of the bathroom, proud as a peacock with cup in hand, once again above my head.

Mission Complete =]

Goodbye snow and ice, hello sun and sand

I never told anyone, but I cried the whole way coming to Arizona the first time. Unless I was sleeping. It was an embarrasing display of my little girl side showing. The lady next to me had no idea what to do. I'm happy to report that the lady next to me on my flight back to tuscon did not have to deal with a crying soldier.

The first time coming I had no idea what to expect. I was petrified of the possibilities. Now I know what to expect, and I'm just excited to get back and complete my mission. The faster I get done here, the sooner I can get home and move on to the next part of my life.

Right now I'm trapped in the Denver airport. My flight was supposed to leave at 9:30 p.m. It now leaves at 1:30 a.m. I was delighted when I heard the news... not. I feel like I could safely sleep without my stuff getting jacked... but it seems like a risky little game. But sleep is all I can think of... so here i am... typing to ward off sleep by writing on this blog.

I'm not as sad to be coming home, because I'm treating this more like college. That's right, I'm still trick. And I definitely won't miss the snow... but I will miss everything else. You guys are my world... and my locker is evidence of that. I'm sure I have the most beautiful and supportive people in the world waiting for me back in MN... I'm almost positive.

Peace and Love from Denver <3