(I wrote this on Sunday. I think it's Tuesday now... I'm at the internet cafe and I just got off of my shift. Thought I would put these on really quick since I wrote them from my home computer and can't load them onto the work computer so I can send them to my Mom.)
She is under three feet tall and barely has any hair… and yet she is truly the one person who can make my heart swell and break it at the same time. She is quite the little person… let me tell you. Well, actually she's a big girl now.
Just after I left home, after struggling to help her get potty trained. I would like to say that my primary motive was to give her a little more independence... but also a slightly minor part happened to be that I was sick of changing her diapers. Fine. Now you know... but just after I left, she decided one morning to wake up and be a big girl. She was not going to be wearing a diaper any more. I'm so proud of her, even though I'm slightly agitated. It's almost as if she knew my secret motive...
She's also learned a couple of other things since I've been gone. Any time I call her, she surprises me with the new things she has learned. Last time we talked, she sang me “Rock-a-bye Baby” and “Lollipop”. Granted, she only knows a couple words of the song… and she can sing them over and over if prompted, but it’s pretty darn cute.
She’s always good for a joke too. “Hey Dacki… guess what?” What baby? “Chicken butt!!!!” Her clever joke is always followed by her joyful laugh.
But today, her opening line was “Auntie… when are you coming home? I want you to come home.” I can’t baby. “Why?” I have something really important I'm doing baby. And I miss you so much. But I can't come home just yet. I will though as soon as I can. “Please auntie? Come home?” She didn’t really want to talk to me much longer after that… I could tell that just as she had broken my heart, I had broken hers. And she doesn’t like to talk when she’s sad. Even now as I write this, it makes my heart hurt. I just miss that little girl so much.
Anyways, I’m just a chipper little thing tonight, huh? I guess tonight I’ve just got a lot sad things on the brain. Tomorrow is a different day. I’ll be going to church in the morning. I think I should tell you guys, that apparently, according to the choir, and I quote… I have some pipes on me. And they ain’t to bad either. So they invited me to sing with them at mass. I was pretty excited, to say the least. I have been called the songbird of my time…
<3 Me.
In time baby, she will understand. Just like she knows where her Grandpa is...she will understand where her auntie is too. I miss you very much. I am glad I got my much needed call from you last night. I immediately hopped down the stairs to tell my mom.
ReplyDeleteAnyways....I love you. And though things are rough now, time will hopefully begin to heal these new surface wounds.
As always... I love you more than anything.
Smooches-
Ab
Hey Jacki - Just finished reading your blogs to get caught up on what you've been doing. Kasha and Sarah are in the kitchen making coffee.....it's 8pm at night and I think of the days when I could drink coffee that late...no more. I'm so glad your there with your dad but then I'm not. I wish you were both here with your mom. I called her last night....trying to hook up with her. Take care of yourself and Dad. We miss and love you. Thank you for serving for us!!!
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