Exploited for a pretzel, of all things:

As I have said before, women have a lot of power over here. The wink of an eye or a flash of pearly whites can go a very, very long way. I make a habit of consciously not doing the aforementioned things. It’s not fair to toy with these poor boys, especially when they have no idea how to defend themselves. In the wrong hands, the tactics of a female can turn a man of dignity into a malleable substance that will do anything at the beck and call of those wrong hands.

While it is true that I do not engage is this “psychological” war fare against the opposite sex, I can tell you that I have been schooled in the art of working what you got, so to speak. I won’t name names, because I’m not here to present a platform to expose my fellow females. They are good people that have merely been given too much power, and I cannot fault them for that.

So, as the story goes, I was walking out of the internet café, which is a prime location for night life here on COB Basra. In the vicinity of the internet café, there is an Auntie Anne’s pretzel stand and a couple of volleyball courts. Auntie Anne’s happens to have the best pretzels in town, and they are a welcome treat.

My friend, who shall not be named, had already weaseled* the poor pretzel boys out of 2 free pretzels and a drink. After sharing her bounty with the people around her, she got a little greedy and asked for my assistance in acquiring more pretzels. “The trick,” she said with a gleam in her eyes, “Is to ask for the pretzels and when they bring it to the window, pull out your credit card. They will tell you that they only accept eagle cash, and then you say ‘Alright, well, I guess I don’t need a pretzel anyways.’ To this, they will say you can just have the pretzel. This plan is fool proof, Jacki!”

I was doubtful and suspicious, to boot. It seemed so simple and really, so conniving. I begged and pleaded for someone else to go. I just couldn’t take advantage of my feminine qualities. I did a fake out, pretending to walk up there, only to walk back after the appropriate time had passed to tell her “Aww shucks! They weren’t there.”

I thought I was in the clear. Instead, she plopped down in front of the pretzel stand and I plopped down with her. Before I knew it, she was flashing her pearly whites and giggling. A grown women! Giggling, of all things! And from there, those poor pretzel boys never stood a chance. I won’t say that I didn’t enjoy my cinnamon and sugar pretzel with caramel and freshly squeezed strawberry lemonade… because obviously I am ALWAYS a fan of food. But I did feel a little guilty. And now that I know what I am capable of, well. Quite frankly, I’m fearful for the opposite sex. It will probably start off small, something like “Hey there big guy, would you mind carrying this bag for me?” and then escalate to something else. I can’t think of what, maybe picking up my laundry or something… but I have learned a very dangerous trick. Not even a trick. More like a trade.

Hope this e-mail finds you all well!

<3 Jacki

Well, another day in the life for me here. I swear, I am living the ground hog day movie. Every day, I wake up and life carries on the same way as the day before. It's hard to keep track of the day and I'm always sure it's Monday, or at least that's what it feels like. I wake up at the same time, only to fall asleep and wake up 3 minutes later. I even fall asleep at exactly the same time. I eat the same meals and I see the same faces. I have the same routine when I get to work.

And even despite all of that, I'm thinking about staying here for a little bit longer. I would like to say it’s because I love the scenery and the people (which isn’t a lie) but quite honestly, I'm kind of afraid of coming home. I know that I still have everything there... family... friends... the works. But I'm afraid to come home to place that has changed and well, knowing that I have changed too. It's pretty scary just thinking about transitioning back to civilian life. Every morning I wake up and reach to make sure my rifle is still laying beside me, and I can't picture a life right now that I don't sleep with my rifle or that I don't instantly reach into my pocket to put on my "cover" or a hat. I can’t imagine waking up to a loud noise and not thinking it is anything but a mortar attack.

I think that I just feel like I’ve spent so much time away leading an abnormal life compared to my peers, going back and being normal just seems scary right now. I know that I wanted to carve my own path and go through life in my own way. That's not to say that it is always on the back of my mind that the rest of my friends back home are going back to their sophomore year of college this week, and they have already started their lives. When they turn 20 this year, they will be in their sophomore year of college and will know where their life is going. They'll have decided their major and the like. And me well, I’m still in limbo because I haven't had the opportunity to start the rest of my life. I turn 20 in November, and I have no idea where I'll end up, what I'll be doing when I rejoin the real world. And well, they, they have a pretty good idea that they will be the best teachers and nurses out there (I have no doubt that they will excel in anything they do). And while they move forward with their lives, I make corrections on reports about tactics that are killing U.S. soldiers. While they calculate mathematical equations in their classes, I’m sitting here calculating the casualties of an explosion that occurred on the next FOB over. And while they fall asleep in their beds from a long day of school work and other things that occupy their day, my eyes and ears stay alert. Even when I’m drifting off to sleep I can hear the faint sound of a missile, real or imagined. It’s the darndest thing.

And for some reason, I just can’t get myself to apply to any schools. For the longest time, I couldn't figure out why I was resisting applying... because it was something that I thought I had wanted for myself. And I sent one of my best friends an e-mail of other plans I was looking into and this is what Courtney said to me:

"… And to be quite honest it's hard for me to picture you in college (that's probably not because you aren't supposed to be there, more just because you have never taken a normal route in life, and Jack I love that about you)…After the life you have been living and are going to be living in the next couple months, it's hard to think that you could just go back to a college type life style..."

I know that I’m not alone in feeling like my life has yet to start. There are other people here, like my friend Prince, who has yet to start his life. I know this because one night he wrote this to me:

“And, if I may ask, did you have a college first tag that you waived to go on this deployment? Because I did, and sometimes I worries me. In six months I shall be 20, see, and then, well I won't be a teenager no more. I'll just be a young man with no college education, working an entry level job in a faceless corporation. You know, I took this deployment because I didn't want to go through the whole big-fish-in-a-suddenly-large-ocean thing when I went to Bard College and its rich kids private school thing, and, because I assume you also chose to forgo some awesome college for a while, I'm asking if you ever, uh, well think that you're missing out or falling behind the curve on the whole "path" to yuppie-American success? Because I do. I think about a lot of things, though, so maybe I'm just crazy. Also: Did you know that if you put your PIN number into an ATM machine, you might get the HIV virus?”

I guess I have a lot of decisions to make in the next couple of months. And I know that no matter what I decide, I’ll have all the support I’ve ever needed in Minnesota. I think just writing this puts things into perspective for me, and just helps me to get my thoughts in order. Thanks for listening to me ramble.



<3 Jacki