Exploited for a pretzel, of all things:

As I have said before, women have a lot of power over here. The wink of an eye or a flash of pearly whites can go a very, very long way. I make a habit of consciously not doing the aforementioned things. It’s not fair to toy with these poor boys, especially when they have no idea how to defend themselves. In the wrong hands, the tactics of a female can turn a man of dignity into a malleable substance that will do anything at the beck and call of those wrong hands.

While it is true that I do not engage is this “psychological” war fare against the opposite sex, I can tell you that I have been schooled in the art of working what you got, so to speak. I won’t name names, because I’m not here to present a platform to expose my fellow females. They are good people that have merely been given too much power, and I cannot fault them for that.

So, as the story goes, I was walking out of the internet café, which is a prime location for night life here on COB Basra. In the vicinity of the internet café, there is an Auntie Anne’s pretzel stand and a couple of volleyball courts. Auntie Anne’s happens to have the best pretzels in town, and they are a welcome treat.

My friend, who shall not be named, had already weaseled* the poor pretzel boys out of 2 free pretzels and a drink. After sharing her bounty with the people around her, she got a little greedy and asked for my assistance in acquiring more pretzels. “The trick,” she said with a gleam in her eyes, “Is to ask for the pretzels and when they bring it to the window, pull out your credit card. They will tell you that they only accept eagle cash, and then you say ‘Alright, well, I guess I don’t need a pretzel anyways.’ To this, they will say you can just have the pretzel. This plan is fool proof, Jacki!”

I was doubtful and suspicious, to boot. It seemed so simple and really, so conniving. I begged and pleaded for someone else to go. I just couldn’t take advantage of my feminine qualities. I did a fake out, pretending to walk up there, only to walk back after the appropriate time had passed to tell her “Aww shucks! They weren’t there.”

I thought I was in the clear. Instead, she plopped down in front of the pretzel stand and I plopped down with her. Before I knew it, she was flashing her pearly whites and giggling. A grown women! Giggling, of all things! And from there, those poor pretzel boys never stood a chance. I won’t say that I didn’t enjoy my cinnamon and sugar pretzel with caramel and freshly squeezed strawberry lemonade… because obviously I am ALWAYS a fan of food. But I did feel a little guilty. And now that I know what I am capable of, well. Quite frankly, I’m fearful for the opposite sex. It will probably start off small, something like “Hey there big guy, would you mind carrying this bag for me?” and then escalate to something else. I can’t think of what, maybe picking up my laundry or something… but I have learned a very dangerous trick. Not even a trick. More like a trade.

Hope this e-mail finds you all well!

<3 Jacki