I wasn't sleeping.

I've spent a lot of time talking about everything that has gone wrong these last couple of months. I didn't have time to talk about anything good. Frankly, I didn't have time to think about the good.  I was so focused on keeping my head above water and making sure everyone knew I was ok, that I didn't take the time to actually be ok. That is, until recently.


These last two weekends have really given me some valuable reflection time. Also known as "me time". I spent time with people who genuinely care about me and my well being. It took just that for me to realize that things do happen for a reason. I'm not happy about how things happened and I will always be at a loss when I think of Hercules.


I give a lot of credit to the idea that everything happens for a reason. I'm starting to understand twhy things happened they way they did with me and Zach. I still stand fast that I'll never understand why Hercules was taken from me. That didn't need to happen to justify the end.


That being said, I spent this last weekend with my family. I spent Friday night and Saturday night with my little brother. This whole thing has brought us together. It is a cheesy line, but it's also a truthful one. I love my little brother. Somehow, we went from fighting each other to being best friends. He is someone I have really leaned on these last couple of months.


On Sunday morning, I went with my parents, niece, Harry and her sister Irene for a walk around Lake Harriet. It 's called the Vision Walk and it is a fundraising event for the Foundation Fighting Blindness. We were on a team for my mom's friend's daughter. Quite the association, but it was a really inspiring day. By the end of the day and the weekend, I was thoroughly exhausted. I knew I wasn't going to make it on the car ride home and so I promptly tried to fall asleep. Before I was fully asleep, I heard my mom say, "My baby is finally coming back." She pulled my head onto her shoulder and I slept so very peacefully.


I really am coming back. Every day, I feel more like myself. I have a couple of hard days ahead the closer I get to the date Hercules was due. But I know I'll be ok. I've survived much worse.