Ok. This is probably the most disturbing thing that has happened since I’ve been here. And I mean THE. First of all, let me just start off my saying that my internet capability expectations while I am here have failed… which is why I haven’t been blogging. Come January I should be able to access the internet every night. Now that’s cleared up… I can go on.
Before we could leave for exodus we had to have this day long briefing, which we like to call death by PowerPoint. Basically, the brief just reiterated the fact that there will indeed be a urine analysis upon our return… after every single slide show. There were a lot of slide shows, some more snooze worthy than others. And others, as I had mentioned, were just downright disturbing.
This is how it all started, and where I wish it had ended or rather never began. A small lady… not more than 120 pounds and probably 5’4” on her tiptoes came out. She had to have been older than Harry. I expected a sweet greeting and maybe she would tell us about adopt a soldier, a program for soldiers who can’t afford to go home for the holidays and families from the area adopt. What followed will probably horrify me for a while.
A slide popped up that said “if condoms had sponsors.” I’ll attach a picture. At first, it seemed pretty funny. And then the real talk began. It wasn’t a no glove no love talk. It was an std talk, that with the help of some very, very vivid pictures… painted quite a pretty image.
I saw more diseased male genetalia than I had ever hoped to see. And I learned more than the public school system would have ever cared to teach me. (by the way… did you know that on an average day, you will shake hands with 6 men who have recently been doing something else with their hands? Or that you will shake hands with 11 women who have just done the same? Or that you indirectly come into contact with 15 penises? I didn’t. I wish I still didn’t. Upon finding this out, the males around me proceeded to shake hands with everyone that was within reach.)
I won’t continue to go on. No amount of explanation can really make you guys understand just how weird and disturbing this presentation was.
Before we could leave for exodus we had to have this day long briefing, which we like to call death by PowerPoint. Basically, the brief just reiterated the fact that there will indeed be a urine analysis upon our return… after every single slide show. There were a lot of slide shows, some more snooze worthy than others. And others, as I had mentioned, were just downright disturbing.
This is how it all started, and where I wish it had ended or rather never began. A small lady… not more than 120 pounds and probably 5’4” on her tiptoes came out. She had to have been older than Harry. I expected a sweet greeting and maybe she would tell us about adopt a soldier, a program for soldiers who can’t afford to go home for the holidays and families from the area adopt. What followed will probably horrify me for a while.
A slide popped up that said “if condoms had sponsors.” I’ll attach a picture. At first, it seemed pretty funny. And then the real talk began. It wasn’t a no glove no love talk. It was an std talk, that with the help of some very, very vivid pictures… painted quite a pretty image.
I saw more diseased male genetalia than I had ever hoped to see. And I learned more than the public school system would have ever cared to teach me. (by the way… did you know that on an average day, you will shake hands with 6 men who have recently been doing something else with their hands? Or that you will shake hands with 11 women who have just done the same? Or that you indirectly come into contact with 15 penises? I didn’t. I wish I still didn’t. Upon finding this out, the males around me proceeded to shake hands with everyone that was within reach.)
I won’t continue to go on. No amount of explanation can really make you guys understand just how weird and disturbing this presentation was.
I am never shaking hands with anyone again. Thanks for the grafic info Jack
ReplyDeleteyou are oh so very welcome. i feel like it's something everyone should know, for you own safety. good thing i went to that briefing...
ReplyDeleteThank you Jacki for putting that image into my head before I go to sleep. Hope all is well with you. Wishing you a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Will keep you in our prayers for a safe and speedy return!
ReplyDeleteTake Care
you are so very welcome lisa! merry christmas to you and yours! i'm actually home on leave now. it's wonderful!
ReplyDeleteI NEVER SHAKE HANDS WITH PEOPLE UNLESS I HAVE TO! plus i never eat at a pot luck unless i know who made the food for that same reason. I hope its a wonderful homecoming and remember that we are all thinking of you and everyother soilder and know that everyone will come home safe.
ReplyDeleteJacki, there are somethings in life that I am better off knowing, EVER! That was definitely one of them!
ReplyDeleteI mean NOT knowing!
ReplyDeleteoh patty. somebody had to educate me so that i could educate you. it's just how the world works i guess.
ReplyDeletebeth: thanks so much! so far it's been a wonderful homecoming, minus the lovely coat of ice and the cold. thanks for keeping the sodliers on your mind!
i would just like to point out that you guys only encourage me to write inappropriate blogs. not only is this my most commented, but my heartwarming blog didn't get any comments. clearly, sex sells. i'll keep this in mind for future blogs =] lol.
ReplyDelete